Why here? …

in a chamber dimly lit, along with musty air and wetting drops from a tiny drainage & sewage – are the only thing accompanies, here….(?)


Once upon a time, back in the days when I’m in the 20’s, I was thrust with a job as a ‘Guardian’ to old files…. A place filled with old and musty cabinet, with the inside dwells a file so old and many. Barely anybody have a stomach to stand up against such odd, which requires you to slip and rummage each one by one, every day, every hours day and night – solving cases deemed deceased by the bank…. They throw it all here, and then sent someone to die there, like me – working on cases that nobody gives a damn whether it’ll actually be solved or not at all….

To make it clear; every day, are a piles of files. In a dank dept. dimly lighted but freshening breeze…. cool and musty, as far remembered; I see only 1-2 staff daily, hanging around, walk in walk out no one monitoring, with attitude who cares so strongly engulfed… finally hit me to the fullest. It’s like being in a wide basement, dressed neat smart like a banker each everybody…. but no one cares. Somehow of a FREE feeling of doing anything, so different when compare to my previous dept…. which it’s is actively filled with activities and action, staff and customers, busy reaction and every day is a day filled with hope pursuing carriers. To the Top, I must go – Achieved. …. ended with a sudden hit to the ground….. deep down under….. here. A dank dept. which i’m surely gonna love it…. IF: I’m now; at this time of age.

That place is a dream killer…

I left. Ignoring any responsibilities given. Walk away just like that, thinking who cares??

Never realize that fate have branded me a Deserter… so serious that I have to once again return to face the situation that I didn’t have the stomach to – in the 20’s.

And today, I’m at the same situation, only different in place. Never mind about anything else (files, work, relations, activities, etc.) – because the thing that made me have to be here, facing this again – is because of my Deserting act….

So now, I’ll be here, no matter what or how – to dun my responsibilities…. and leave (vacated into the next episode) – only when permitted to do so…. not on own accord, but God.

Just for saying: All I want right now is: to breath fresh air…. the feeling of free…. and of course – along with those must be – besides…. as a sign trademarking to a mission complete. … Never again; a deserter.

=== while walk the street of night, to home ===
A indian guy driving a mini lorry suddenly give a gesture (lambaian) – by the road side, like he knows me…(!) and by the look at it; a me too friendly that have him acted so excited.

Torched on a cigarette for moment or two…..

If u happen to be in excitement the way that guy indian, just be sure a bit: that’s the Original Me! (but then, who cares if ‘the one’ encountered is lot friendlier than the one supposed to be, here…. right? And yes, yes, I know: this advice doesn’t apply to the queens…. for community and friends only….)

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